a whole lot of nothing

Today Wayne Coyne invited me and Liz backstage. Today I feel a...

Sat, 18 May 2013 03:27:00 -0400

Today Wayne Coyne invited me and Liz backstage.
Today I feel a lot better about The Terror.

I saw The Flaming Lips last night and… I was just...

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:23:00 -0400

I saw The Flaming Lips last night and… I was just depressed during the entire show. I had put off listening to The Terror because of all his sad interviews. I really did not want to believe anything he was saying. SEEING him and the concert unfold was amazing and interesting. Artistically it was BEAUTIFUL - music, set up, EVERYTHING. Emotionally - I hated it and I couldn’t bear or understand why people were going ape shit insane and cheering while I was sitting there crying. I forgot what song it was, but, it was 2nd in and it was a new song… when the black confetti started pouring out I started then. Race For The Prize MURDERED ME ok…. I would have cried A LOT if I didn’t stop myself from because I knew I wanted to meet him after the show. NO confetti, VERY slow and VERY lack of power. Do You Realize had a different tone to it and believe it or not sounded a lot slower than it already is. No power at all. I did not FEEL anything and it almost felt like he was lying to us when he talked about love. I hate it because I’ve built him up like a character in my head — somebody who I idolize and look up to because their morals and heart are exactly where it needs to be. This man is the most colorful and beautiful person I have ever seen and he pours his SOUL to EVERYONE. But, now, here he is standing there on a grim stage and the color has been drained from him. I just kept watching his face the entire time and he looked kind of angry in a way and looked like he was battling himself. It felt like I was watching a dead man perform / a spirit of a man I once looked for guidance in a way from. I have a lot of shit surrounding my life right now where there are instances showing that love doesn’t work, I STILL have hope that it does, but, it was so much harder to see THIS man lose it and telling me to get “real”.

On the other hand, Steven REALLY stood out to me last night and I loved him so much. Absolutely amazing.

I met Wayne after and it was NOT special. It was nothing. I kind of didn’t care. I didn’t even know what to say to him after the concert - but, alas I just gave my usual ‘Thank You’. Which I usually want to do to all of my favorite artists but for him I wanted to tell him a lot more than that. I said “Thank you for everything you do.” Said “Awwww that’s sweet”, put his arm around me and kept pushing me into him more. His embrace felt really nice, though. I won’t post the photo here because I look like donkey dick, but, it’s on my twitter/instagram. I also told him we’ll be at the show today and he said “Yeah! With Yeah Yeah Yeah’s! I was just hanging out with Karen O yesterday! She’s actually really shy!”
And then someone asked for a photo and he forgot about us so we slithered away lol. I wish my experience in all would have been better. I was too upset to enjoy meeting this man I once looked up to. I just want to show him the love he’s shown me, though. So I really hope I get to see him tomorrow just around because I want to tell him what he means to me and I want to give HIM a hug. :|

I copy&pasted this from the MGMT forum where I had already wrote this. On that forum the last post in The Flaming Lips thread was my last concert experience and it made me even more sad.

Something about this performance.

Thu, 02 May 2013 13:56:29 -0400

Something about this performance.

It seems everybody's changing. Me for the worse.

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 00:00:15 -0400

Slayed.

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 10:20:00 -0400

Slayed.

:/

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:02:23 -0500

So I’ve finally put an actress to my story. She seems to...

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 00:08:42 -0500

So I’ve finally put an actress to my story. She seems to be the ONLY one I could trust with my character. The Acting, the look, the body, the voice. Call me crazy and laugh if you will, but, it will happen. She is motivating me to write! I’m going to set the goal that this film’s story will be finished before this year ends. Life is going by way too fast. Being a dreamer also comes with action! Let me finally be where I need to be!

Float on! Sweet days! Tomorrow the sun!
X

freepeople: Our first short film… Roshambo, starring...

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 19:36:11 -0500

freepeople:

Our first short film… Roshambo, starring Christopher Abbott of HBO’s Girls and model Sheila Marquez. Music by Lord Huron.

hausvonterese: If you watched Blue Valentine and you think Ryan Gosling is perfect and did nothing...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 00:41:00 -0500

hausvonterese:

If you watched Blue Valentine and you think Ryan Gosling is perfect and did nothing wrong and Michelle Williams is the problem then WOW you watched the whole movie wrong. No.

Here’s my internet side coming out. So, I had just watched ‘Blue Valentine’. I hated the movie so much, yet I loved it even more. I went on tumblr to just check out clips, gifs, y’know… tumblr stuff. I came along this comment. You know I am feeling something if I’m finally posting on tumblr. How serious of feelings, though? I mean… tumblr. But, you know I’m feeling something.

None of the characters in this movie is the ‘bad guy’. It’s how YOU interpret the characters and their situations to yourself. The film is told in Cindy’s (Michelle Williams) point of view mostly, because, it was a story about HER falling out of love; Though, the movie didn’t allow you to only root for one “side” as it allowed the viewers into both of the characters’ lives. No one watching was actually ANGRY at Cindy — and if they were then they obviously were not understanding the main plot to begin with. Maybe the reason why people thought Dean (Ryan Gosling) was “perfect and did nothing wrong” was because to MOST people it’s easier to feel sorry / (and what I think) is more relate-able to be the person who is rejected by the one they love the most. Love is a damn strong feeling and you could see that Dean really was deep into it. On the other hand, there can be people that will feel more for Cindy because it’s not easy being committed and falling out of that strong feeling. Personally, I think the film was smart to follow her path moreso than Dean’s because it’s a more interesting take instead of being immediately hooked into the more relate-able story including a handsome broken man. I also loved the fact that we got to see a male play a role most films would give to a women (why this would happen is beyond me. I don’t agree with it but C’MON you know it’s true.) — it was more heart felt, genuine, and distressful. I felt for him when the movie was about her. Enough of him. Obviously, her story is JUST AS heart breaking. It’s a confusing down spiral of everything you had built up - LIFE. And yes, Dean has bad qualities to him that most women would not want in their man. It does not get unnoticed unless you’re a Ryan Gosling fangirl or just are bias. The movie does a GREAT job portraying what an ass douche he is. The funny thing to me is that SHE was not portrayed in any bad way. The great thing about this movie is that SHE doesn’t want YOU to know the bad traits that she has. She wants you to feel for her. She’s breaking that 4th wall without you even knowing it. But, that’s just me being psychotic because as I’ve said — the story is mainly from her point of view so obviously she wants you to feel for her HA.

Here’s my bias bit, though. I love Dean. He’s not the most successful person, but, he’s a great person with a HUGE heart and that’s all that matters. The scene when they talk about death — whatever he is saying is what I always say to people which got me instantly attached.

It’s really such a sad film. Seeing somebody so completely out of love with someone who cares about the other is really heart breaking. I’ve never seen a film like this in a long time and I was defeated throughout the entire thing. Both sides of their stories are so incredibly distressful — it kind of feels like you get punched in the gut a good couple of times. You get SO sucked into their life that you actually feel like you’re living it and every second is so confusing because you really are defeated with both characters. I hate this movie so much. I need to own it.

Also, I hate people who watch movies with closed minds.

sinemcetin: This is Eden shot by Brooklyn based fashion...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 18:57:00 -0500

sinemcetin:

This is Eden shot by Brooklyn based fashion videographer Chris Vongsawat. The look was about versatility. While Eden is looking straight-forward, it appears classic and delicate. When she looks down, it becomes something unique, modern, and edgy.

Try this updated take on a winged-liner look by connecting the outer tip of the wing into the crease of the eye. Ensure precision by stabilizing the bottom of your hand on your face while you are lining the eye.

Star product: Sephora Collection Long Lasting Liquid eyeliner.

“She had already started planning her life. A rebirth. She hasn’t even thought of her...

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:21:00 -0500

“She had already started planning her life. A rebirth. She hasn’t even thought of her past since she jumped off the train; It was non-existent. She’d listen to people’s conversations and learn French all by herself. She would find a house to live in. She will always eat at this small place to remind her of freedom. She’d meet hundreds of the round man and confused tall one in a black and white outfit. She’ll dance every day and night. These people aren’t strangers, they are her brothers and sisters.”

"And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me. We both knew it,..."

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:02:00 -0400

“And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me. We both knew it, right away. And as the years went on, things got more difficult, we were faced with more challenges. I begged him to stay; Try to remember what we had in the beginning. He was charismatic, magnetic, electric, and everybody knew it. When he walked in, every woman’s head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn’t contain himself. I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. And in that way… I understood him. And I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him! And I still love him. I love him.”

- Lana Del Rey, “National Anthem”

You know you're a movie nerd

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 21:28:00 -0400

It’s said. It’s true. It’s us.
When somebody tells me, “I don’t like going to the movies”, my world stops. Hold the phone — WHAT? H-How? How does that even make ANY sense what-so-ever?! Excuse me? Maybe I didn’t hear you. Don’t. Wh-why? I just. No.

Listen, I know I am betraying the business of films when I am constantly going to a local movie theater— seeing free movies and eating free movie theater snacks (Popcorn is my favorite snack ever. Though, I still don’t know how to eat it correctly.) I can’t help it. Free is free. FREE MOVIES? FREE POPCORN? FUCK. YES. Who wouldn’t want to go? I may sometimes splurge money on myself, but, what people don’t understand about me is that I am really a cheap person. But, that’s not the topic of this post— so anyway… YES. I said it. I confess. I don’t pay for movies. BUT, I will however say that I do not get the same ‘movie theater experience’ whenever I go. The popcorn is always exceedingly salty and the theater is probably an open bathroom because it emits the air of what seems to smell like someone has just taken a fresh little piss in each of the four corners of the room. I like walking into a huge lobby to a movie theater, smelling popcorn, buying a ticket & walking into a nice big theater accompanied by people who want to see the movie they paid $16 for, while sitting in nice comfy movie theater seats. It’s probably one of my FAVORITE feelings.

Anyway, besides that… this post is mainly made so I can share what a bunch of movie nerds me and my best friend are. I think it’s really funny and leads me to believe that we belong in the industry. I mean, These two days I’ve had off really showed me what a bunch of nerdy 20 year old girls we are.

First off, I don’t think it’s that common for a theater to be silent, but, then having two girls sitting there giggling at the same time. I especially noticed this a while back when we were watching the re-make of ‘True Grit’ by the Coen Brothers. No, it wasn’t a funny scene. It was a funny shot. Or funny editing. Or funny score. And the obvious is funny acting or writing. But, someone who finds shots and editing funny? For gods sake, I’m sure other nerds find these things hilarious, too, but I’m sure people sitting in the theater are thinking “What the fuck? Shut up.” every time we laugh. And it’s greater at the fact that we both find the same things funny. This ALWAYS HAPPENS.

Second- the past couple of days we have both gone to the public library to pick up films, gone to the theater two times, gone to Blockbuster for their closing… it said that there were 99 cent films… and we picked up 10 films each. (They were not 99 cents so we put them all back. I got nothing, she got one.)… NOT TO MENTION that I was getting stressed out that I couldn’t find more movies, gone to Big Lots (a VERY usual thing) to get $3 movies but were disappointed at the fact that they lowered their selection of films.

ALSO, today at the theater… I saw a cardboard stand up of a new Tim Burton movie and was greatly upset and didn’t know what to do with myself because I was happy, but, so confused and angry that I didn’t know about it until then.

All in all — this post is nothing but a “Hey, I need to start making some mother fuckin’ kick ass films because I can’t waste my life away being this nerd.”

PS; I finally learned how to cry in a theater. Don’t make it noticeable, don’t make a sound, don’t breath. Ignore it. Let that little tear roll down your cheek and on to your neck. When the moment is right, when the movie is at it’s loudest… THEN you can wipe it.

Today was absolutely blissful. I can’t stress to you how...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 21:21:00 -0500

Today was absolutely blissful. I can’t stress to you how relaxing and smooth the day went. Nothing was left behind, the sun was shining (still FREEZING, though! haha!), the photo shoot was incredibly fun & Brooklyn/Queens was so beautiful with a FLAWLESS backdrop of the city! We arrived outside of an apartment which had a green door and a yellow post-it that read “Knock”. When someone opened the door, I was taken back by what I thought was going to be a small apartment, to a HUGE loft. Ceiling was chipping off, pipes were hugging the walls, what separated the ‘rooms’… I think were walls? There wasn’t much furniture or even a finished look… I loved it. Seeing the atmosphere outside, then seeing the inside I instantly became obsessed with this lifestyle of an artist. French music was filling one area where on one of the white walls was a projection of beautiful work of inspiring photos from various artists, his included. There sat two beautiful men and a small woman in a polka dot shirt (hair stylist) sitting on a big red couch as the photographer introduced everyone to us. A few minutes later a female model came followed by another. Absolutely a beautiful group of people.
I was a bit upset that the team wasn’t able to do the original concept of the La Dolce Vita and Florence + The Machine’s Dog Days Are Over looks, but, it turned out to be a really cool shoot, anyway! The photographer is AMAZING and absolutely one of the most polite people I have ever met! His sense of direction is so great and it was so interesting to see the way he shoots! I really am so grateful that I get to assist my sister (makeup artist) on these photo shoots! I get to experience so many different photographers and seeing how they move and work!

Today gave me even MORE of a motivation to push for my own work to come to life! I would love to live, work, create this way. I want to be these people. I am getting butterflies even thinking about it! Today was so much fun and I really can’t begin to tell you that this is one of my favorite memories! It’s such a beautiful thing when such creative people come together and showcase their talents and art! I didn’t even feel like this was me living in this! My life is so average and I’m so tired of it! I want every day to be this way- full of positivity, beauty, art, gentle hearts and soul.

To end what a day I already was in love with… my FIRST ever Jeffrey Campbell shoes came in the mail and was sitting right outside my door!!!! I love them so much!!! Anywho, I also have to note that I will be crediting everyone today on that team from today when I get to see the photos! I am really bad with names so I am not going to credit, right now. Also, these photos are not good because they are from my iPod which takes really pixel-y photos. (Photos from my Instagram!)

vogue: War Horse’s Jeremy Irvine and Model Arizona Muse...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:19:00 -0500

vogue:

War Horse’s Jeremy Irvine and Model Arizona Muse Photographed for the November Issue of Vogue by David Sims

The first time I saw this photo, I teared up. I’ve just got back from seeing the film. It was absolutely beautiful. This photo holds so much in it, I just have to reblog it. I want this framed.

Plans - Photoshoots

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 11:28:00 -0500

I remember I promised to post a photo of the photoshoot I assisted on ages ago and I never did. Some photos are posted online already, but, I’m just being lazy to go find them and bring them here.
Anyway, I’m trying to make it a point that I think I’m going to just take my iPod with me to everything and just take a photo for instagram. (Twitter) The next photoshoot “we’re” AKA my sister is & I’m just cleaning brushes and organizing her kit… working on I’m SOOOOOOO excited! It’s on the 18th! The photographer is outstanding and the art direction is one of my favorite kinds of things!!!!
Going to take so much in! Getting my contacts ready! LOL

Anyway, the last post I made reminded me which is why I bring this camera/idkwhattoputoverhere to you guys… I think I have kind of set up a plan. As whoever follows my tumblr knows… I have a lot of projects already just sitting in my little book. I’ve noticed a trend of dialogues missing, most driven by music and feelings, all very short. At this point, I think I’m INCREDIBLY amateur, I think the word “amateur” is even pushing it. The knowledge I have right now, I’m not able to expand on these stories. I sit here hoping one day that I will be able to expand on it, being able to put words and length to them. I just can’t do it. I also have realized I’m very fond of fashion films. It’s a whole other world and I kind of prefer them over the way regular short films are shot. I also have a weird obsession with models. SO… what I was thinking was that: Maybe I can mash short films and fashion films together. Granted, my stories are a little out there, but, who isn’t now-a-days? I think I can manage it. I don’t know much about photography and I’m still out of school. I’m willing to teach myself up until I get myself into education and let’s just hope something comes out of it. You don’t know how much I long to be the one holding the camera and shooting whenever I’m on set when I assist. Once I get my hands on a camera… I don’t think anyone is ready. Myself, first.

Just saw this on Free People’s twitter and I absolutely...

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 11:07:00 -0500

Just saw this on Free People’s twitter and I absolutely love it.

“Well, dude, it’s easy! Just buy Jalouse and be like me! …or at least be my friend or something, y’know?”

I’ve heard her name way too many times lately. One of my...

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:56:22 -0500

I’ve heard her name way too many times lately.
One of my friends finally drove me to listen to her.
Obsessed, in love, haunted by, captivated with this song.

Life? Life. A fucking lie. This isn’t life. Life is love and time. There is no time and there...

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:11:23 -0500

Life? Life. A fucking lie. This isn’t life. Life is love and time. There is no time and there absolutely is no love. That’s a lie. Absolute is a large word. I apologize to those I just dismissed who have been SO kind to me. Every small thing you say to me is always followed by an appreciated thought. I haven’t KNOWN a lot of kind people so it’s very much taken into account; thank you for being so lovely and having a kind heart. A gentle soul is all a person needs. Even just a few words, maybe even to a stranger. Here is an example of time wasted. Everything is going by so quick, how DARE anyone call this thing life? How DARE you call people’s negative actions as being life? Life is love and happiness and time. Love is pure. Time needs to stop. I don’t want to die just yet. Life isn’t about dealing with negative beings and acts that make death faster. It’s not about success and what have you. Give me open skies. I don’t want to live life if this is what you offer me.

A Whole Lot of Nothing

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:50:13 -0500

My “blog“‘s tittle is so fitting to me. I have a total of 16? projects and I have none done or in the process of it. I don’t know where to begin. Or how. I’ve also been so dead lately, and now that I have a job time is going by so fast and there’s no way to stop it. I work, come home, sleep, work, come home, sleep. I don’t even dream anymore. I haven’t dream’t for a while, and if I do, it just feels like I’m awake in reality. I haven’t had adventure in god knows when. I’ve just seen The Rum Diaries last night… it made me want to go out, feel humans, nature, drink, write, dance, and live like a film in my paperless life. I don’t know how to start. I’ve been so sheltered all of my life that I just keep repeating the same words, thoughts, relationships and I don’t know how to move on to ANYTHING. I’ve also become so materialistic since I’ve had this job and I hate it a little bit. I have no money left and I could have used that towards a camera. I really want to start up on some projects, I am so proud of myself but so disappointed all at the same time. I love everything about myself, I just wish I could find a way to venture out. I’m so tired of being sheltered and not having knowledge about the world.