It’s said. It’s true. It’s us.
When somebody tells me, “I don’t like going to the movies”, my world stops. Hold the phone — WHAT? H-How? How does that even make ANY sense what-so-ever?! Excuse me? Maybe I didn’t hear you. Don’t. Wh-why? I just. No.

Listen, I know I am betraying the business of films when I am constantly going to a local movie theater— seeing free movies and eating free movie theater snacks (Popcorn is my favorite snack ever. Though, I still don’t know how to eat it correctly.) I can’t help it. Free is free. FREE MOVIES? FREE POPCORN? FUCK. YES. Who wouldn’t want to go? I may sometimes splurge money on myself, but, what people don’t understand about me is that I am really a cheap person. But, that’s not the topic of this post— so anyway… YES. I said it. I confess. I don’t pay for movies. BUT, I will however say that I do not get the same ‘movie theater experience’ whenever I go. The popcorn is always exceedingly salty and the theater is probably an open bathroom because it emits the air of what seems to smell like someone has just taken a fresh little piss in each of the four corners of the room. I like walking into a huge lobby to a movie theater, smelling popcorn, buying a ticket & walking into a nice big theater accompanied by people who want to see the movie they paid $16 for, while sitting in nice comfy movie theater seats. It’s probably one of my FAVORITE feelings.

Anyway, besides that… this post is mainly made so I can share what a bunch of movie nerds me and my best friend are. I think it’s really funny and leads me to believe that we belong in the industry. I mean, These two days I’ve had off really showed me what a bunch of nerdy 20 year old girls we are.

First off, I don’t think it’s that common for a theater to be silent, but, then having two girls sitting there giggling at the same time. I especially noticed this a while back when we were watching the re-make of ‘True Grit’ by the Coen Brothers. No, it wasn’t a funny scene. It was a funny shot. Or funny editing. Or funny score. And the obvious is funny acting or writing. But, someone who finds shots and editing funny? For gods sake, I’m sure other nerds find these things hilarious, too, but I’m sure people sitting in the theater are thinking “What the fuck? Shut up.” every time we laugh. And it’s greater at the fact that we both find the same things funny. This ALWAYS HAPPENS.

Second- the past couple of days we have both gone to the public library to pick up films, gone to the theater two times, gone to Blockbuster for their closing… it said that there were 99 cent films… and we picked up 10 films each. (They were not 99 cents so we put them all back. I got nothing, she got one.)… NOT TO MENTION that I was getting stressed out that I couldn’t find more movies, gone to Big Lots (a VERY usual thing) to get $3 movies but were disappointed at the fact that they lowered their selection of films.

ALSO, today at the theater… I saw a cardboard stand up of a new Tim Burton movie and was greatly upset and didn’t know what to do with myself because I was happy, but, so confused and angry that I didn’t know about it until then.

All in all — this post is nothing but a “Hey, I need to start making some mother fuckin’ kick ass films because I can’t waste my life away being this nerd.”

PS; I finally learned how to cry in a theater. Don’t make it noticeable, don’t make a sound, don’t breath. Ignore it. Let that little tear roll down your cheek and on to your neck. When the moment is right, when the movie is at it’s loudest… THEN you can wipe it.

I remember I promised to post a photo of the photoshoot I assisted on ages ago and I never did. Some photos are posted online already, but, I’m just being lazy to go find them and bring them here.
Anyway, I’m trying to make it a point that I think I’m going to just take my iPod with me to everything and just take a photo for instagram. (Twitter) The next photoshoot “we’re” AKA my sister is & I’m just cleaning brushes and organizing her kit… working on I’m SOOOOOOO excited! It’s on the 18th! The photographer is outstanding and the art direction is one of my favorite kinds of things!!!!
Going to take so much in! Getting my contacts ready! LOL

Anyway, the last post I made reminded me which is why I bring this camera/idkwhattoputoverhere to you guys… I think I have kind of set up a plan. As whoever follows my tumblr knows… I have a lot of projects already just sitting in my little book. I’ve noticed a trend of dialogues missing, most driven by music and feelings, all very short. At this point, I think I’m INCREDIBLY amateur, I think the word “amateur” is even pushing it. The knowledge I have right now, I’m not able to expand on these stories. I sit here hoping one day that I will be able to expand on it, being able to put words and length to them. I just can’t do it. I also have realized I’m very fond of fashion films. It’s a whole other world and I kind of prefer them over the way regular short films are shot. I also have a weird obsession with models. SO… what I was thinking was that: Maybe I can mash short films and fashion films together. Granted, my stories are a little out there, but, who isn’t now-a-days? I think I can manage it. I don’t know much about photography and I’m still out of school. I’m willing to teach myself up until I get myself into education and let’s just hope something comes out of it. You don’t know how much I long to be the one holding the camera and shooting whenever I’m on set when I assist. Once I get my hands on a camera… I don’t think anyone is ready. Myself, first.

Life? Life. A fucking lie. This isn’t life. Life is love and time. There is no time and there absolutely is no love. That’s a lie. Absolute is a large word. I apologize to those I just dismissed who have been SO kind to me. Every small thing you say to me is always followed by an appreciated thought. I haven’t KNOWN a lot of kind people so it’s very much taken into account; thank you for being so lovely and having a kind heart. A gentle soul is all a person needs. Even just a few words, maybe even to a stranger. Here is an example of time wasted. Everything is going by so quick, how DARE anyone call this thing life? How DARE you call people’s negative actions as being life? Life is love and happiness and time. Love is pure. Time needs to stop. I don’t want to die just yet. Life isn’t about dealing with negative beings and acts that make death faster. It’s not about success and what have you. Give me open skies. I don’t want to live life if this is what you offer me.

My “blog“‘s tittle is so fitting to me. I have a total of 16? projects and I have none done or in the process of it. I don’t know where to begin. Or how. I’ve also been so dead lately, and now that I have a job time is going by so fast and there’s no way to stop it. I work, come home, sleep, work, come home, sleep. I don’t even dream anymore. I haven’t dream’t for a while, and if I do, it just feels like I’m awake in reality. I haven’t had adventure in god knows when. I’ve just seen The Rum Diaries last night… it made me want to go out, feel humans, nature, drink, write, dance, and live like a film in my paperless life. I don’t know how to start. I’ve been so sheltered all of my life that I just keep repeating the same words, thoughts, relationships and I don’t know how to move on to ANYTHING. I’ve also become so materialistic since I’ve had this job and I hate it a little bit. I have no money left and I could have used that towards a camera. I really want to start up on some projects, I am so proud of myself but so disappointed all at the same time. I love everything about myself, I just wish I could find a way to venture out. I’m so tired of being sheltered and not having knowledge about the world.

I can’t even wait to get to a computer to post this! Can I just say that corny saying are most definitely amazing life lessons. For this case, smiling and being nice to someone will really make someone’s day! I’m so incredibly overwhelmed with what happened yesterday (John Wesley Harding’s Cabinet of Wonders) and what I just found out about myself to the point where I’m actually crying.

So, everyone knows how New Yorkers are “always” in a rush and just so rude… I see this in the city more than anywhere else. The “I’m going to shove you because I have to be somewhere better than you” type of deal. Nope. Yesterday was a night FILLED with wonderfully kind people. I mean, the event in itself was SUCH a spirit lifter and I really did enjoy it a lot! Aside from the show, people smiled, joked with you, helped you, said hello. Even the guy working the cash register at Taco Bell in Penn Station was incredibly nice! I couldn’t believe how happy New York was in that rain! Not only all of this, but, I’ve even got to meet Andrew VanWyngarden, the lead singer to a band that has touched my soul. It was an awkward mess, but, he was nice enough to answer my question about writing to help me with my creative struggles right now. It turns out that he actually thinks the same way as me so that was cool. That whole mess made my night, though!

THEN, today I hop on the scale. Do you know what it reads? 124!!! Unbelievable! I haven’t seen that weight in god knows when! I’m usually a 127 and hop from there up to 130 at times.

I just really am so happy over everything! I really am speechless. It all seems like that scene in 500 Days of Summer where Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character is dancing around to You Make My Dreams. Its so nice to live in a world of no negativity :’]

I hope things for me start shaping up & I wish everyone else happiness as well! Please be kind to one another!

There’s videos of Andrew Performing on my YouTube if anyone is interested. He did lovely!

&BTW, I’m seeing Panda Bear next Saturday!!! So stoked!